it’s not enough to believe

By September 27, 2015 2 Comments

Loving or acknowledging our Creator isn’t enough. We must give ourselves over fully to this love, get carried away in total surrender.

moksha destiny

Wow. So much anxiety waking up this morning, which sucks because I’d had two or three days in a row where I woke up with none, feeling great.

My body felt hot and panicky which is weird to me because I had an incredible chakra dance class last night, met up with a friend for sushi dinner, and fell asleep reading Patti Smith’s Just Kids (an incredible book by the way, esp if you’re interested in what it felt like to be part of the counterculture in NYC during the 60s and 70s. Her way with words is magical.)

So it seems like I should’ve woke up feeling good because I had a great night. But I felt terrible this morning. I got out of bed and did some deep breathing, drank a bunch of water and got back in bed, at which point I felt a bit better.

And I started thinking that I need to do a couple of things to take better care of myself:

  • start going to bed earlier
  • take more time for myself during the week and don’t over commit socially (I had plans 3 nights in a row this week which ended crazy late (or even at like 2:30 in the morning) on nights when I had work the next day
  • start grocery shopping again and stop eating out every meal. it’s been 13 weeks since I’ve done grocery run — that’s crazy. not to mention.. expensive as fuck

I also definitely need to start practicing some energy protecting techniques to maintain boundaries for myself. As an empath, I tend to absorb all the energy around me and so other people’s vibrations mix with mine and it just gets to be too much.

If you’re an empath or similar type and have found ways to keep your energy protected, please feel free to share in the comments. Chakra dance class helps me for a few hours, but then I feel porous again.

Anyway… I powered through this morning and decided to take off on a walk through my amazing neighborhood. I started to feel better almost instantly and as I was walking to Rawvolution to procure a bit of breakfast, I passed a guy about my age on the sidewalk who looked right at me and said in a super sincere, not-hitting-on-me way — “You are an angel.”

I maintained eye contact confidently, didn’t feel embarrassed, and felt a strength tingling in my inner power. And it’s because I believed him. I smiled and thanked him and we moved on.

Then I sat in for a delicious breakfast of coconut yogurt, granola and cranberries with hot tea at Rawvolution. The quote dangling from the end of the tea bag — Love without trust is a river without water — inspired the quote at the top of this post.

And it reinforced what I’ve been experiencing over the last four weeks or so: when I just follow the little sparks and ideas that come to me (like getting up to go on a walk and eat breakfast at Rawvolution) I end up bumping into little inspirations and coincidences all over the place. It’s awesome.


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