Today I witnessed proof of the unleashed power I’ve been sitting on for 33 years. I went to a trapeze school for an introductory lesson and in under two hours (and only my 6th attempt ever at swinging on a trapeze bar suspended in the air) I completed my first trick.
I’ve always been extremely fearful of heights and get all of the usual accompanying physical sensations – vertigo, tingling all over, whacked out breathing – but today was different.
I didn’t anticipate the class on the drive to the school, I didn’t think about what the experience might feel like, I just showed up and listened to the instructions.
I didn’t play stories in my head, or try to plan how I would perform the tricks — I just climbed the ladder, one breath at a time, listened to the people around me, trusted in their kind eyes and smiles, and then just leapt from the platform.
I remained with breath as my body swung through the air and I just listened for the commands being shouted to me on the ground.
Confident wouldn’t really be the right word for what I felt today, because I didn’t think about it. I just was. I trusted in the people around me and trusted in the way I felt moment to moment.
I didn’t attach anything to what they said. When someone said, “Climb the ladder.” I climbed. When they said jump, I jumped. When they said release, I let my knees go and fell out of the swing into a stranger’s waiting arms midair.
I never contemplated that I wouldn’t be able to complete the things they were telling me to do. I just did them. Calmly and with ease. All day I just kept smiling more and more inside, because I was witnessing this calm reserve of power and ability that is always inside me. Always on tap.
† When I remain completely present with my breath, focused only on the sensations in my body, my mind lays quiet and I trust myself to do exactly what’s right in every situation.
I felt sadness when I woke up this morning, but I just began meditating. I pulled myself out of my body in a way and just witnessed the sadness. I chanted a mantra and just observed the sensation of sadness. Within five or six minutes, it had dissipated into nothing.
Who knows why it was there? I didn’t try to figure it out. It could have been anything — a leftover from forgotten dreams, something I ate, a memory, a chemical imbalance — it didn’t matter. I just observed it and it went away.
As the day passed, I began to visualize the people moving around me in a different way. Almost like they were insects flying around. I can detect if they’re calm and present, or distracted and scattered.
My peripheral vision feels expanded. Every situation I move into, whether I’m in line at the pharmacy, driving through the car wash, flying on a trapeze swing, eating lunch with friend, it has become similar to a scene in a movie.
I’m watching it from a little bit outside of myself and seeing so many little details that I’ve never noticed before. The only word I can think of to describe this is fun. It’s way more fun.
Walk out like someone suddenly born into color.
A woman at the trapeze school began talking about meditation and recommended that I might find a good teacher at this place called Against The Stream right near my home. Another little bread crumb on the path 🙂
Off to yoga now.