I jolted awake at 4am with that energy feeling coming out of me again. I listened to a deep meditation audio guide that uses progressive muscle relaxation and ended up being able to get a few hours of sleep before heading out for yoga.I practiced 90-minutes on the mat and was hoping to just exhaust myself. It worked for awhile, but later in the afternoon while walking to lunch with friends I felt the energy starting again. It’s hard to explain, it feels really positive and good but it’s still overwhelming and foreign to me.
It’s like a buzzing frequency that comes out of my eyes and chest. It feels like I’m making the people around me feel good and at the same time I’m able to accept good from them too. This is why I’ve been so careful to really choose my company more selectively lately. It’s like I’m a sponge to people’s energy.
One of the people I went to lunch with is initiated into and practices Radha Soami, so he meditates daily. It was nice to be able to talk with him about what I’m going through, and although he couldn’t speak specifically to his experiences (when you’re initiated in Radha Soami you take a vow of secrecy regarding your experience) he was able to confirm to me that the sensations I’m feeling are normal when you start to dive into exploring consciousness.
He also said that it’s important that I find a teacher or guide to help me along my path in practicing meditation.
On the walk home from lunch, while just steps from my apartment building, my friend said, “Look!” Across the street from my apartment building is a church and over the church’s marquee sign out front a banner was strung over it announcing that the church will soon transition into a meditation center.
The old me would have said, “I can’t believe it!” — but I’m not the old me.
Those who are awake live in a state of constant amazement.
I was supposed to go to a house party this evening and up until right after lunch I’d felt pretty good all day, but then a feeling of sadness came. I haven’t indulged in it, I’ve just continued the focus on my breath and kept about my day.
I watched a movie, did a little reading, and took a short nap. But the sadness is still here. In addition, I developed a headache and my body feels a bit sore, almost like I’m detoxing.
I’m not sure where these emotions and sensations are coming from, but I’m not trying to figure it out either. I’m not overwhelmed by them and they’re not dictating how I spend my evening. I’m just moving about as normal, but I did decide to stay home instead of going to the party.
My body feels like it’s telling me to stay in tonight alone and just rest. I feel a little lonely and would have liked to go to this party and be around people, but the sensations in my body are telling me to do otherwise.
† I trust in the flow, am a grateful witness to magic, and appreciate this new gift of mystery.