† I embrace and trust in the foreign sensations, mysterious emotions and unknown path that are unfolding in me now.
Over the past four days I’ve felt like I’m a day ahead of the 21 Day Meditation Challenge. I’ll experience a feeling, or come to understand something new, and then the next day’s meditation will end up being focused specifically on that thing.
This makes me wonder if the process of awakening to consciousness follows specific developmental steps, like the physical and emotional stages a child moves through as they become an adult.
I did a basic search to try and see what I could find regarding the topic and came across this post – Map of Embodied Awakening.
Then I found this video from Deepak Chopra’s ‘Rabbit Hole’ series about the 7 stages of consciousness.
I want to learn more, but I’m also hesitant because just pushing forward into this awakening has been so incredibly fun for me. It’s a mystery. I feel like I’ve been given this huge gift of waking up everyday and getting the chance to play in this kind of alter-reality.
My chest cavity is filling up with intense energy as I write this, This is definitely something I’ll need to learn to regulate because it feels a bit overwhelming.
Today was really heightened for me. I meditated this morning and fell easily into mindfulness and staying present with my breath. As the day went on I began to experience feelings of near mania-type bliss while just sitting at my desk at work and typing mind-numbing emails. It was pleasurable but super intense at the same time. I didn’t expect that as I worked to calm and rest my body, I would begin creating intense energy. It feels a bit like spontaneous combustion.
I decided to go on a walk and try to calm down a bit. But the walk only intensified the surge of ideas that were coming in because I realized that this blissful energy was coming from inside me. I was cultivating energy or tapping into the source of energy that’s always around me, I’m not sure exactly, but I knew that I was creating this energy for myself and that felt amazing.
On my lunch break, I talked to my mom for a good bit and had the opportunity to unleash a lot of the ideas that have been forming for me as I move through this process. Thankfully she’s a patient listener because it felt like my body and mind were forcing out a thousand ideas at once.
My head is bursting with the joy of the unknown. My heart is expanding a thousand fold.
It feels good to have all of these ideas, but I also recognize the need to find more balance with how they present and the way they affect me physically.
Anyway, if I was reading someone say these kinds of things before I’d felt it, I would probably assume that they were just saying a bunch of positive things to try and sell that idea or be viewed in a positive light by other people. I’ve even judged people in my life who seem to be “too happy” or “too positive” and now I see that they were probably just tapping into these same things that I’m only just now discovering.
I believe that I did actually hit a tipping point the other day and now it feels like flood gates have been opened. In yoga this evening, I had to work extra hard to keep focused on my breath and stay present mentally within the four walls of the studio.
So for tonight’s meditation I’m going to explore how I can regulate this output of energy so that I don’t exhaust myself. As I become more accustomed to being in the flow, I’ll get more familiar with how to balance the energy that moves through and from me. I’m guessing that it will be a matter of continuing to practice mindfulness – staying present with each breath and feeling the sensations in body. And as this new awareness becomes less “new”, I’m sure I’ll settle into it a bit more gracefully.
It almost feels like as I crack into this dimension of consciousness I’m being reborn. I feel excited in all the ways it seems like a baby might feel. Not sure if this makes sense.