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meditation challenge: day 5

By August 9, 2013 No Comments

The centering thought for today’s challenge is — I am a perfect divine creation.

Not gonna lie – this is the first day where I’m feeling some internal push back. I want to attribute the difficulty on remaining focused during this morning’s meditation to the fact that I had a lucid dreaming experience in the early morning hours, but I’m also aware that blame could also be given to a lack of true self esteem on my part.

Jazzberry Blue

Jazzberry Blue

I have a great self image, but that’s different than self esteem and born from my ego and the feedback derived from outside influences — society, other people, etc. Self image fluctuates because it’s situational.

Self esteem, on the other hand, is solid and dependable. It’s the way you feel and tend to the core part of who you are – the real you – your soul. I think it’s safe to say that I was not aware of the difference before I heard Deepak Chopra explain it in today’s meditation.

I mean, until these last 10 months or so, I’ve never really stopped long enough to consider who I am at the core.

This is a big reason why I feel that this morning’s meditation was challenging for me. I felt, and still do feel, a bit anxious and sad. I don’t feel particularly focused and notice that my mind is moving quickly to create stories and run fantasy dialogue.

† Remaining present and calm in the times when I feel anxious and sad is the most effective way to move through negative emotions. By focusing solely on my personal reality, I will avoid creating false stories that cloud my judgment about other people and the situations that come up in my life.

I’m going to get ready for work now and then practice the meditation again in a few hours…

Okay. So I went to work and today was definitely a challenge. It was super hard to keep my mind from chattering and I couldn’t seem to focus on my breath for more than just two inhalations.

I felt a bit more grounded after yoga tonight, but felt a lot of resistance to the idea of just taking 15 minutes to sit and meditate again. After sucking it up and just deciding to do it, I came to the conclusion that some days are just going to flow better than others. I was definitely more settled than this morning, but I never fell into the feeling of flow that I can usually dip into.

That could also be because I tried to meditate with my eyes open for the first time. I lit a small tea light and focused on the little flame while I repeated a Sanskrit mantra. It’s definitely easier to get distracted when you add in another sensory input.

I’ll probably meditate one more time before bed. It feels like good discipline to keep practicing when I’m really not feeling it.

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