Alice X. Zhang

Alice X. Zhang

I had a lucid dreaming experience about an hour before I actually woke up. In the dream, a person who I have been struggling with emotionally the last few weeks appeared suddenly in an otherwise happy dream.

Without any time to acclimate to their presence, this person immediately brought up the issue that I’ve been dealing with and I was put into a situation to communicate what I was feeling on the spot. I felt a tightening in my chest and a wave of anxiety, but was also aware that this rush of emotions felt healthy. My dreaming self was giving me the gift of being able to look at this person in the eyes and feel their presence while being able to share what I’ve been feeling.

I knew I was dreaming, but by keeping my body still and mind calm, I was able to stay dreaming and not wake up completely. After I voiced how I felt about the situation, my mind started to form answers and dialogue for this other person. As tempting as it was to continue letting the dream unfold in this direction, I didn’t allow it.

This would have been false because I have no idea what this person would have said or how they would have reacted, and any attempt to guess would be pointless. It would have also been an easy way for my ego to smooth over the negative emotions I’ve been feeling and replace them with a false sense of resolution for the situation. But this resolution would only be a fantasy and could never stand up to the test of reality.

So, when I saw this other person began to speak, I just stopped it. I refocused back on me and to the way I was feeling. It didn’t make the anxiety go away, but it did feel good to release my thoughts in (what felt like) the real presence of this person.

Cool beans.

I hope this happens again.