the past month has been a constant swing between
hope and optimism
and feeling like I’ve closed the door to that relationship

back to
despair and depression and realizing that my love is still there for him
not gone

and then there’s my job situation
the fact that I’m not working
and it’s actually making me realize how much I don’t want to go back to the job I was doing

I don’t like sitting in front of a computer all day pushing information around
and
around
and
around

I want something more
but I have no idea what I want to do
what I could do
to make a living and be useful and needed
and feel passionate about the work that I devote my waking hours to